Comments for Desert-Trees.com

Comment on Are These Harry Potter Jokes Funny? by Steven C

Steven C — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:57:17 +0000

No.

Comment on Are These Harry Potter Jokes Funny? by A Knight In Shining Armour

A Knight In Shining Armour — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:32:54 +0000

Yeah they are, they’ve replaced wand with willy, and it all sounds a lot funnier

Comment on Are These Harry Potter Jokes Funny? by just call me Jonty

just call me Jonty — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 16:56:50 +0000

ha ha ha they are well funny ha ha ha

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by Queen B

Queen B — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 06:45:31 +0000

It sounds more like a diary entry than a book

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by nobody10

nobody10 — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 06:41:26 +0000

Sensitive Shadow
the book needs work. it has a strong voice, yes, but you need to add more pictureesque things like metaphors, similes, allusions. you need to show us scenes and describe a little more. don’t over do these things but do them. Google the “Elements of Fiction” and make sure you are including them to be successful. gl.

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by jennifer

jennifer — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 05:47:07 +0000

Breathless
Inhale
Exhale
Frost
the last breath
I took the last breath
tell me what you think thanks
oh and omg! awesome writing, im loving it

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by nerdherd…

nerdherd… — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 05:30:31 +0000

Barren – the monster

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by LK

LK — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:54:16 +0000

I would have to have more to get a gist of what a good title would be! Keep on writing!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Comment on I Have A Book That I Am Writing. What Do You Think I Should Title It? by Library Girl

Library Girl — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:45:42 +0000

From what you have written so far, it reads to me like you are going to go into the Indian, shape-shifter, shaman things, though of course I don’t really know because there isn’t enough here to be sure.
Personally, unless you are Indian, I hope you don’t go that route; it’s better left alone. If you are Indian you won’t do it anyway, you would know better… if anyone were around to tell you.
If I am totally in the wrong, please accept my apology, and let’s take a look at what you’ve written. It’s always best to go back and take a look at things whenever the words stop crowding out; seemingly on their own sometimes, huh.
You need to re-write; there are confusing passages for the reader, and the usual typos and things. Try to put yourself in the mind of a reader seeing this work for the very first time and read it that way.
For me, I didn’t know who was talking– who the “he” was that was being referred to– a few too many times. Once is too many really, but you have a few times here.
And why does Macie seem interested in knowing something and then tune it out completely? Why is she so resistant to her dad’s hugs? What would keep a person from seeing a wheel chair right away? Does or did she have a car or a truck? Things like that, you see?
I suppose some questions will be answered later (hoping), but the flips between talking about a car and then a truck, the beginning of description on a walk to the tree with Haiden and then no description at all, the blind spots about the wheel chair, gaps in missing Carol… I don’t know, somethings are just puzzling, to say the least.
Still, I AM interested in the story, so that is very good. You have left some tantalizing starts out there. Sorry, I don’t know what you should title it, except ‘Working Title,’ since it’s not very far along yet. Don’t worry about a title yet.
Just keep on writing to your heart’s content! Luck…

Comment on What Is My Conflict In This Story? ? by Sexy Sadie

Sexy Sadie — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 03:12:18 +0000

It vibrated, almost happily, as if it knew she was thrilled to be here.
That line made me cringe.
Don’t describe Elizabeth too much- do we care what her hair is like? Don’t feel you have to force description in.